It is understandable that as a family enters into the adoption process, they may have many questions and inquiries about what it will look like, for them specifically. Family dynamics are a big part of the journey, if not the biggest. Answering the call to adoption will not only impact a child, but the entire adoptive family unit, for a lifetime. For couples who already have biological children, it is a very common question and concern to wonder if their family dynamic will negatively impact the adoption process. So, take a few minutes to keep reading…my prayer is that no matter what your family dynamic looks like you’ll feel encouraged and challenged to keep an open mind throughout the adoption process while trusting Jesus the entire way.
I have had the opportunity to talk to some amazing couples over the years and I am always blown away by their stories. I always ask what led them to consider adoption for their family and while it may seem like infertility is the sole reason a family would choose adoption, that is absolutely not the case.
Families choosing adoption come in all different shapes and sizes. There are unique reasons, stories and moments that have led them to an inquiry call to start an adoption journey. When talking with these inquiring families, I have noticed there are a few common questions that come up almost immediately after I get to know them a little bit. Specifically, after learning that a family has biological children, the tone of the conversation tends to shift a bit. The excitement in their voices drift away and I begin to hear hesitation and uncertainty as they continue telling their story. They typically continue telling me about some encounters they have had that left them feeling discouraged and unsure if there is even a need for their family to adopt. The conversation is now surrounding the idea of adoption WITH biological children and what that might look like.
Will we ever get chosen?
What will the expecting mother want in an adoptive family?
Will we get overlooked because of our other kids?
Are we “taking” an opportunity from another family?
Can I adopt if I already have biological children?
Is there even a need for my family to adopt?
These are ALL very valid questions! And, heartbreakingly enough, I hear about so many times that a family’s questions are met with very discouraging feedback. The conclusion becomes, “most expecting parents are looking for families that have experienced infertility and do not have any other children.” There seems to be a widespread assumption that families with biological children will have a difficult time in their adoption journey. This is an assumption that should be broken, in my opinion.
So, is there a need for a large family to adopt? The answer to the question is YES and I will tell you why.
When we have certain expectations of the adoption process and what it should look like for each family, we are limiting God and His purpose. God equips those that He calls and gives grace to walk out that specific calling. That might sound like a cliche saying, but it is true, and definitely applies to large families in the adoption process.
God knows exactly what each family dynamic should look like to bring glory to His kingdom and if He has placed the desire of adoption in your heart, then He sees a bigger picture! God’s design is not limited to our understanding of what the process should look like, but rather He knows how to meet and fill the needs that even we cannot see.
Just like hopeful adoptive families come in all shapes and sizes, with various reasons and callings to adoption….expecting families do too!
Prior to being a consultant with Christian Adoption Consultants, I worked in an agency setting providing social services to expecting families. I walked alongside expecting mothers throughout their pregnancy, being in countless delivery rooms and even presenting potential adoptive families during the matching process. I have asked questions as a mama flips through a profile book of an adoptive family like, “what drew you to this particular family?” or “was there something specific that stood out about them?” Believe it or not, every expecting parent is not just looking for a childless couple. I can recall so many times that an expecting mother would begin to tell me about her childhood and the positive experience that she had growing up with siblings or a mama who has other children herself and realizes that giving her unborn child a family with siblings would be sentimental and the desire of her heart.
Is there a need for YOUR family to adopt? Yes, no matter what your family currently looks like!
My prayer is that as you consider adoption for your family, no matter what your family dynamic currently looks like, you would remember that God always sees the greater need. His ways are always higher than ours and we can trust Him. Keeping an open mind about the adoption process will not only benefit you throughout your personal journey, but it will allow you to step into a God sized calling to meet a very real need.